That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
