u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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