and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
