i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
