how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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