He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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