Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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