and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
