Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is my gift to your gina
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
