the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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