bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You're like the curious george of whores
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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