Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
