If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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