just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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