Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
