i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
