Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
