Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
