He asked to "fluff my boner.."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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