If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
