also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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