i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
