Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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