ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
