I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
