remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
