Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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