Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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