I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
ok first of all what the fuck
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
