I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize