Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
