My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
