those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
