We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
