i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
