The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
