we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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