She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
