Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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