shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
