I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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