I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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