When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
