I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
