kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
