You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
