Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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