it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
