remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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