its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
