You're my little dorito
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
