your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
