My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
