yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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