I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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