What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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