We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
