I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
