Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
