I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
