I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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